What are adult attachment styles?

Adult attachment styles refer to patterns of interpersonal behaviours and attitudes that develop in childhood and continue into adulthood, influencing how individuals form and maintain relationships. These styles are based on the attachment theory originally developed by psychologist John Bowlby and further expanded by Mary Ainsworth and others. There are generally four main adult attachment styles:

1. Secure Attachment Style:

   • Characteristics: Individuals with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and are able to balance closeness with independence. They generally have positive views of themselves and their partners, trust easily, and effectively communicate their needs.

   • Development: Typically develops in childhood when caregivers are consistently responsive, nurturing, and reliable in meeting the child's emotional and physical needs.

   • In Relationships: Securely attached individuals tend to have stable, satisfying relationships where they feel supported and valued.

2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style:

   • Characteristics: People with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often desire closeness and intimacy but may worry about being abandoned or unloved. They tend to seek reassurance and validation from their partners frequently.

   • Development: This attachment style can stem from inconsistent caregiving in childhood, where caregivers were sometimes responsive but inconsistently so, leading the child to become anxious about whether their needs will be met.

   • In Relationships: They may be perceived as needy or overly dependent, and their fear of rejection or abandonment can sometimes lead to behaviours that inadvertently push their partner away.

3. Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style:

   • Characteristics: Those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style often value independence and self-sufficiency over intimacy. They may downplay the importance of close relationships, suppress emotions, and avoid relying on others.

   • Development: This style can develop when caregivers are emotionally unavailable or dismissive of the child's emotional needs. The child learns to self-soothe and minimize attachment-related emotions.

   • In Relationships: They may appear distant or aloof in relationships, preferring autonomy and keeping emotional distance from their partners. They may struggle with intimacy and have difficulty expressing vulnerable emotions.

4. Fearful-Avoidant (or Disorganized) Attachment Style:

   • Characteristics: Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style have conflicting desires for intimacy and independence. They often fear rejection or abandonment but also feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness.

   • Development: This attachment style typically develops in response to traumatic or abusive caregiving experiences, where the child learns that both seeking and avoiding closeness can be risky or painful.

   • In Relationships: They may struggle with trust and intimacy, alternating between seeking closeness and withdrawing from their partner. They may have difficulty regulating emotions and managing conflicts in relationships.

It's important to note that attachment styles are not fixed and can evolve over time, influenced by life experiences, therapy, and self-awareness. Understanding your own attachment style and that of your partner can help improve communication, strengthen relationships, and promote emotional wellbeing. Therapy, particularly attachment-based therapies, can be beneficial in addressing attachment issues and fostering more secure relationship patterns.